Monday, 21 March 2016

My Relationship isn't 50/50

This doesn't bother me in a way that I'm fixated upon it, but it is something in the back of my mind; especially with regards to how outsiders view things. 

My relationship with my boyfriend, Ian, isn't 50/50, it's not equal. 

What I mean is, he does absolutely everything. It seems like his whole being is consumed by my needs and what I want; and to top it all off, he cooks, cleans, and does all the household things I find difficult or am simply unable to do. I'm not basing our relationship on who does what, but I know other people will look it at that way...Because really, what does he get from being with me? The girl in pain all the time, the girl who's too fatigued she can barely lift her head up, the girl who needs to go back home earlier than scheduled due to a PoTS attack. 'What does he see in her?'

I might not be able to cook my man a three-course meal, or clean the whole house from top to bottom. I can't spend a full-day out adventuring, or plan something spontaneous due to the variability of my condition, but I am a comedic genius and always supportive. I can read Ian like a book and know if something is troubling him, and I can make him cry laughing. My beardy knows how much I love him and how grateful I am for everything he does.

So, when I hear people say, 'relationships should be 50/50', it irritates me. Should they? Can't relationships be whatever work for the people in the relationship? What's so wrong with 40/60 or any other denomination? 50/50 simply can't work for everyone, no relationship is the same. 

I have more needs than Ian, he knew that when we met and we're both absolutely fine with how we work. I'm not always easy, and I see the pain/worry/angst on his face when I'm in a flare-up, it can't be easy to watch the person you love suffering. Equally, we sit and laugh ecstatically when brain fog kicks in and I speak nonsense; luckily he can usually read my mind and finish my sentences for me.

My relationship isn't 50/50, and we're okay with that.


  1. I believe love is not some thing you pay and receive equal but it feels good when you do sth for your love one and do not expect any returns. :)

  2. I completely agree! It almost seems robotic if it's 50/50 all the time X
    Love Vicki | victoriajanex

  3. This is such a beautiful post Sarah. I completely agree with you, a relationship is about the couple involved. X

  4. This is such a thought provoking post. I'm totally with you though; as long as the love felt by both parties is equal then that's all that should matter not who can or who does what. x

  5. Beautiful post. And I agree a relationship shouldn't have to be 50/50. It definitely isn't in my relationship.

  6. Such a good post! I was in an abusive relationship for six years and when I told my current boyfriend (on our first date) he said he considered how much work I might be. And I am a lot of work - there are still mental health issues to work through. But he knew that and didn't care. I think it's very rare relationships are 50/50, no matter what the circumstances. Such a good post, Sarah! x

    1. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that x

  7. This is such a beautiful post to read :)

    Dating is something that I've been worried about for a while now, it's been a good few years since I've been in a relationship and a lot has happened to my health in that time. I'm always anxious that if I meet someone, my conditions might be a problem, but reading this post has made me feel a lot more positive, so thankyou :)

  8. Great post! Personal I feel, relationships should be 100%/100% does that mean you aren't giving 100% just because you can't physically cook Ian a 3 course meal or go on long adventures with him? Not at all! If you're being 100% yourself, being honest and giving him whatever you physically can that to me means you're giving 100% of yourself even if he's doing all the "physical" things.

  9. My favourite phrase to apply to anything like that is a quote from Karl Marx:"Everyone should give according to his ability, and receive according to his needs." Words to live by.


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