Saturday, 24 February 2018

Little Man Life #3

It's been a ridiculously long time since I've shared some of the hilarious and often adorable things my nephew says so I thought it was about time I got onto that. If the kid doesn't grow up to be in showbiz it'll be a miracle.

Mum - What have you come to Nan's for?
KP - I needed a bit of peace from my sister

Me - What did you get in your Happy Meal?
KP - Chips and a cheeseburger
Mum - You little fibber, you got chicken nuggets
Me - What toy?
KP - A giant Nerf gun
Me - How did that fit in the box?
KP - It just did
Me - Let's see the gun then
KP - I took it home and lost all the gullets
Me - Bullets. B. B. B
KP - Gullets. G. G. G

KP - Uncle Ian, what you want for your birthday?
Ian - I don't know
KP - I'll get you some hair freshener if you like

KP - I'm going climbing for my birthday
Me - I know, it's got obstacles like Ninja Warrior
KP - AM GONNA BE A GINGER WARRIOR. Will I fall in water?
Me - There's no water, you'll be fine
KP - But I can swim, I'm in Reception now

KP - It not a school night
Me - I went to school for years, I know it is
KP - You not go now, I do
Me - You've only gone for three days

Me - Did the kid that pushed you do it accidentally?
KP - Yeah. Accident on purpose
Me - Which one?
KP - Accident on purpose
Me - Did they mean to do it?
KP - No, they not mean it
Me - So, it was an accident
KP - I told you that

Mum - Go on, tell Auntie Sarah why you're ringing her
KP - I love you. I love you so much

Ian - What're you eating? Can I have some?
KP - No, you don't have a drivers licence
Me - Can I have some since I have a drivers licence?
KP - Of course, Auntie Sarah

Me - Where's Ty?
KP - Outside. Speaking of Ty, he's been very sleepy today

Me - Why're you sleeping at Nan's again?
KP - It's just my favourite home

Me - I've ordered pizza
KP - What else?
Me - That's it
KP - What drink?
Me - I didn't order a drink
KP - Why do you hate drinks?

KP - Auntie Sarah, have you got the 'hair pups'?

KP - Have you got me and Chloe a present?
Me - Yeah, and Nan
KP - Aww, what about poor grandad?
Me - What should I get poor grandad?
KP - Maybe some hair freshener

Mum - What do you want for breakfast?
KP - *points* Them
Mum - You can't have a cornflake cake
KP - Nan, cornflakes is cereal so I can

KP - Am just sorting out my clothes for tomorrow so I can look cool for the ducks, I don't want to look a state

KP - Am having Monster Munch
Me - You don't like Monster Munch
KP - Yes, I do, I love monsters and I love munch

Me - Five more minutes on the iPad
KP - Why?
Me - Because I said so
KP - I don't like doing that, it makes me feel itchy

*KP playing in a box and box falls over* - It's okay, am fine, am alright, am a survivor

KP - Nanny and Auntie Sarah don't have PPI but I do
Me - Do you?
KP - Yeah
Mum - What's PPI, Kaine?
KP - It means you got good eyesight

Mum - Tony has just been showing Kaine mountains on the iPad
KP - Yeah, and I really want to be a mountain

KP - Auntie Sarah, have you been out in the snow in your wheelchair?
Me - No bud, do you think I should?
KP - I think you might be okay because I could walk in it. You'd just need to be very careful and make sure uncle Ian goes with you
Me - Okay
KP - VERY careful

KP - Nanny, we ordered your present
Mum - Did you?
KP - Yeah, I won't tell you what it is, it's a secret
Mum - Okay babe
KP - It's pyjamas

KP - I need something to eat now, a poppadom might do the trick

Me - Do me a favour, please, put this in the bin
KP - *under his breath* Why do I have to do everything?

KP - Auntie Sarah why aren't you married?
Me - I don't know, bud, ask uncle Ian
KP - Uncle Ian, why haven't you married auntie Sarah?
Ian - Auntie Sarah doesn't want to get married
KP - But why?
Me - I just don't, mate. Do you want me to?
KP - Yeah
Me - Should I have a baby?

The kid is the best!

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